Yesterday, the General Conference made an historic shift for the United Methodist Church in removing guaranteed appointments for elders. Ever since the vote, I have been flooded with memories and emotions. All through my life in the church, I have seen that claiming the authority of the Discipline rarely is the trump card that changes people's hearts. Especially as a District Superintendent, an important part of administrative ministry is to teach and apply the disciplinary covenant which is at the core of connectional life. When the Discipline speaks, all United Methodists--bishops, superintendents, pastors, laity--are in a good-faith covenant that the provisions of the Discipline are to be the standard of practice in church life. A perfecting process is available every 4 years-- The General Conference-- open for input from all. United Methodists live in covenant to the larger wisdom of General Conference action. So all the General Conference actions are big decisions.
Eliminating the guaranteed appointment for elders was an easy change for some. My heart, however, was remembering that I would not have had the opportunity to answer God's call in ministry except for the mandate of the Discipline. The night before my ordination as a deacon (the long-ago first step to ordination), my bishop resisted. While I was gathering in excitement with my family, the bishop was consulting with the conference Chair of Ordained Ministry to see if the ordination could be avoided. I have never stopped thanking God that the bishop was advised that my approval had been in conformity with the Discipline and that the bishop had no choice but to honor it. So my partiality to following the Discipline has personal roots.
Although the Discipline had specifically included women in all provisions applying to the ministry since 1956, twenty years later, women clergy were rare. As far as I could tell, what was written into the Discipline had not warmed hearts toward the change. Opposition to women in ministry was open and widespread. Adversity did not end with ordination. Time and time again, women had a chance to serve a church only because the Discipline guaranteed the appointment of elders. When I received my first appointment to a church, a District Superintendent from a neighboring district said in a conference meeting: "I hope she falls flat on her face." The experience of serving a church far exceeded the hurt of opposition. The guarantee of an appointment had opened a door and God blessed it abundantly.
I came into ministry in a most remarkable time in history.
I have stories and experiences that younger women will not have. Along with the hard experiences are a treasure trive of heartwarming and hilarious stories. Clergy sisters from my era remember getting chased out of clergy parking spots at hospitals by diligent parking attendants who did not believe that women were clergy. And the big dilemma of how to address a clergywoman -- when "Brother" obviously didn't fit. Every experience deepened my dependance on God's love. Every valley reassured me of God's presence, comfort and calling on my life. Every rejection was a challenge of love and renewed focus on living out grace to everyone.
Now, thankfully, much has changed in the church and in the world. It's been years since I have heard of a female clergy being refused a parking place or admittance to an ICU in a hospital at sheer disbelief that a woman could be a pastor. And for years, the cabinet has said that appointments will be made without regard to gender (or race or age).
In some ways, my heart is cheering that General Conference delegates would think that the church has come so far that guaranteed appointments are no longer necessary protections. That's the new day I have dreamed of and worked toward my whole ministry. That's the grateful goodbye I am glad to say...a hopeful hello to a new future where the mission is more important than traditional barriers that have divided us.
I'd be glad to be at the front of the line to welcome that new future.
My heart, however, is not quite sure we are there.
I am remembering that even this spring, I had a Pastor-Parish Committee tell me that, nothing personal, but they did not want a woman pastor. (How could such a claim be made in 2012? And how could people look at a female superintendent and say that their conviction was "nothing personal"?) I assured them that they did NOT want to continue that line of conversation with me. We worked through it together.
But this is 2012. That conversation -- and similar stories repeated around the cabinet table--nag at my heart. Is it too soon to remove the guaranteed appointment? Is the progress foundational to this vote more illusion and wishful thinking? That's the unanswered question. With all my heart, I hope the answer is yes. That same heart says, "Wait and see..."
One of the greatest blessings of living through these decades of being a first is that I recognize--and appreciate--every small step of progress. I am thankful for things that my father and male colleagues would naturally -- and understandably--take for granted. My heart gravitates to gratitude. I have received every appointment -- even with the guaranteed appointment--as a blessing and with a sense of wonder.
Now, my beloved United Methodist Church will show how far we have come. If, through the provisions the Discipline provided for decades, hearts have been opened, I will be the first one to celebrate. I will not be pessimistic.
I am, however, cautious. And I am praying that God will continue to open our hearts for sharing His love in the most abundant, Christ-focused ways possible.
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