One simple phrase = One huge difference

One simple phrase. That's all I ask. Just follow one simple phrase:

ASK before you ACCUSE

What a world of difference that alone would make!

I got an email this week from someone who was blasting the conference and the bishop and the church. The email didn't attack me by name. But trust me, I was included on the receiving end of the tirade. To read the concerns of this person, you couldn't help but draw the conclusion that people in leadership were insensitive, unbelievably stupid and careless in their decisions. Whoa.

I will be the first one to say there are concerns about the church. And I will be foremost among those who defend the right of people to speak freely. And more than that, I further believe in encouraging people to speak freely and have spent a great deal of time trying to figure out how to incorporate that principle into this new position of ministry.

But could people just ASK before they rattle off a litany of ACCUSATIONS?

If the writer had framed the attacks as questions, the author could have learned that the concerns of heart were shared concerns; that action had already been taken to make things better/different/right; that the people being attacked have a great concern for/heart for the struggles people have. But, instead of lifting up concerns as questions or inquiries, the concerns were attacks that led to all kinds of accusations and far-fetched assumptions.

I'm going to have to learn to receive these better. I can count to ten and not respond in kind. I have learned how to write, re-write, pray and re-write some more. I have learned to forgive and, as I have been recently surprised, I have learned that people sometimes apologize. Maybe politicians learn to disregard the constant barbs, but I am not the only pastor that finds that very difficult to do. Attacking words hurt. And even if an apology comes later, it hurts to pour energy,heart and soul into building up people and the church and then to be lambasted for all kinds of things that really don't apply.

Couldn't people learn to ASK before they ACCUSE? That one guideline would save everyone a lot of unnecessary negative emotion, heartache and hurt feelings.

Keep communicating. But everyone would be better off if people could learn to ASK before they ACCUSE.