Yesterday, we were heading for a tradition of lunch together at McDonalds. My daughter is the best mother these children could have and she had put Chap-stick on Connor's badly chapped lips before we headed outside. His lips are tender and, he felt he was grievously injured by her ministrations. "She hurt me," he appealed to me. "It really hurt."
I know better than to try to get into the middle of a situation like that. Yes, I love my boys and will defend them vigorously.
And yes, his chapped lips may have hurt...but, bless his heart, his mommy hadn't hurt him. When we got to the bottom of the outside steps, he was still crying. So I stopped us and said, "Ok, we have to make a decision. Are you able to stop crying and get over this? I don't take crying children out to eat." "But," he said so earnestly, "she hurt me." Beloved child, you are breaking my heart! "That may be," I replied, "but, Connor, even if something hurts you, it is important to learn to get over it and move on. Do you want to go to McDonalds?" He did. He stopped crying, we got in the car and had a wonderful time together.
As I thought about it, I realized how important this life lesson is: learn to get over it. The teaching of Jesus is full of guidance about forgiving and moving on. And the Epistles to the early church are slammed full of admonitions to be kind, be loving, be forgiving, move forward, don't carry grudges, treat each other with gentleness. Life is just too precious for us to be bogged down with the hurts that have happened to us.
I know what it means to be hurt by others. I could go back through the last 30 years of ministry and have volumes to write about the way people have disappointed me, hurt me and unfairly treated me. I know what it is like to be let down in deep ways. If I held on to all that hurt, I would be a miserable, bitter person. Not letting go of hurt doubly hurts and cripples the person who has a grievance....except that not letting go is a decision that we make -- not something that is done to us by someone else.
This superintendency ministry involves hearing a lot about people's hurt feelings. I get so many complaints about people who have been hurt from something the pastor said, something the pastor did, something the pastor didn't do. Many of these complaints are YEARS old. And, while I care deeply about guiding pastors, catching mistakes and developing the most effective ministries possible, I also want to say to followers of Christ: Haven't you walked with God's word long enough to apply Christian love and move on? Do you have to lash out in attacks, spread your hurt feelings to anyone who will listen and stir up discord in your congregation? There's a mission to be done for Christ. Whatever happened, can't you love the church more than your hurt feelings, let God heal your hurt and show by your forgiveness and love that you are walking close to Jesus? Isn't the witness for your church more important than whatever has disappointed you? How can you move forward and help the church move forward?
I am so glad Connor decided to stop crying and go with me for a fun time together. How I hope that, as he grows, he will continue to be able to make that kind of good decision when he is hurt: get over it and move on. And how I pray that church people could learn to apply the gospel, get over their hurts in forgiveness and kindness and move forward in Christian love. Harboring hurts can't help anyone. There is a better way. My little grandson figured that out yesterday. A good time was more important -- and God has a great future for all who will move toward it.
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