They are listening and learning

As I told the kids this weekend, I am the queen of PKs. My father was a PK. I am a PK. I am the mother of two PKs and the grandmother of 3 PKs! Living with the particular sacrifices that every parsonage family makes for the church, I have always felt that someplace in the church, we ought to do something for preachers kids. In Western North Carolina, we have made that someplace. The cabinet sponsored a retreat for our preachers kids this past weekend and it was an experience that we will never forget.

Preachers kids know the church in a different way than congregation members. There is a benefit side to that which the kids all quickly acknowledge: lots of people know you and are interested in you; people care about you and take a special interest in you; you feel at home in the church. There's a down side, too. Church people have high expectations of their pastor(s). Church people can be thoughtless and inconsiderate. Church people resist change and, when asked to do something they haven't done before, they can get downright mean. Preachers kids see all that. Only, when their preacher is also their parent who is the target of the whirlwind, these kids don't have a preacher to turn to.

One of the new additions to the PK weekend this year was some time to focus on life as a PK. The young people divided into groups of four, talked about what stuck with them about being a PK (positive or negative) and then role played situations of their lives. It was enough to make you laugh -- and cry.

I wish I could describe these skits. But one of the most important components of the PK weekend is confidentiality. So, without betraying their confidence, let me say that churches should be on notice. If they have preachers kids in their parsonage, those kids are smart. They have eyes to see and ears to hear and brains to understand. They see the silly fights, the personal attacks, the struggle to try new things, the petty miscommunications and they especially see the unchristlike behavior that characterizes too many of our church meetings.

I listen to the stories of these preachers kids and I want to go straight to the churches their parents are serving and say, "Listen, folks. Be your best--not your worst. These kids are watching you and what they are learning is not good." Preachers kids aren't the only ones watching adults practice Christian faith. Too often, congregations are letting our young people down.

No matter how many times people smile to their face, kids know when they -- or their parents--get stabbed in the back. Being a preacher's kid should not be such close exposure to the underside of human nature. We can do better. And we should.