I do not remember exactly the first time I met Grace Blanton, but I took an instant liking to her. Passionate about her faith, opinionated in every other subject and not afraid to say so, I loved her honesty, her confidence, her fearlessness and her giving spirit. Her take-no-prisoners bluntness is balanced by her compassionate heart...and her lay-it-on-the-line observations are always refreshing to the superficial politeness that characterizes too much of church conversation.
I could never thank her enough for all the kind -- often attempted anonymous--good deeds she did for me. While I was her pastor, I couldn't help but be attracted to her colorful personality. So I was surprised when, one day, Grace said, "You shouldn't be spending your time visiting me." Looking straight at me, she said, "I'm already saved. You should be spending your time with people who don't know Jesus." Never thinking about herself -- however discouraging her situation--she was always pointing me to someone who would "really" need me.
I have never asked Grace her age. I guess her children know. But she is just not the kind of person you ask that question to. But she had been a member of the church for decades and was a member of one of the Sunday School class with my most senior members. When she chastized me, she was well into the category affectionately known as senior.
Grace in so many ways is the exception -- but, in my opinion, should be the MODEL for church members who are in the 55+ category. Since I'm in that category myself, I'm partial to this group of the faithful. And my highest hopes -- and expectations--are that this is the group that should model the greatest maturity, the greatest selflessness, the greatest vision and commitment to Christ and the church. My hopes are based on the important -- and very Methodist--premise that the longer we walk with Jesus, the more our lives should reflect Jesus. Those who have committed their lives to Christ decades ago should be the best forgivers, the kindest, the most loving of all Christians.
In reality, I am sad to say that most of my age group of church members don't show the selflessness Grace lived to me. Too many times, the people who have loved the church the longest are the loudest voices against change. When it is brought to the attention of people that the church needs to focus on young people (who are missing), too often, it's the members of my group -- those who have loved the church the longest--who immediately respond by saying: "But what about US?" Over and over again, when I ask PPRCs about the priorities for their pastor, even when the church desperately needs evangelism and outreach and programming for youth and young adults, PPRC members (many of them seniors themselves) say the priority is to visit the seniors.
They need a dose of Grace. And what great things could God work in the church if there was more Grace and less self-absorption and entitlement.
I am often discouraged -- but I not going to stop hoping or praying for seniors to be the most unselfish, Christlike members of all. Those of us who have loved the church and walked with Christ the longest should be leading the way in unselfishness and love for others.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
It's that time of year...
Here we are again.
The United Methodist appointment season -- a time of hopes and apprehensions!
How appropriate that most of our appointment-making is done in the season of Lent -- the season when we focus on the sacrificial nature of Christian discipleship.
Announcements of the pastoral appointments for 2011-2012 conference year will be made in each church on Sunday, May 1. From now until then, United Methodists should be lifting up the appointment process in prayer.
There are some United Methodist people who mistakenly think that this annual appointment-making doesn't affect them or their church. Every United Methodist Church is part of the appointment process whether there is a pastoral change or not. This is one of our great gifts to our churches and pastors. This annual review/reassignment process helps churches keep their proper center on Christ -- not the pastor. Churches that are built around the personality of the pastor are not focused in the right place. Pastors are members of the Annual Conference and the cabinet has responsibility to look out for the mission of the church across the conference.
There are things people can STOP doing that can help this unsettling time:
1. STOP pestering your PPRC members to tell you about your appointment this year. PPR members are the liasons of your church with the appointment-making process. They are honor-bound to not tell you about the projected appointment for your church until after the reconsideration round of appointments (which is the last week of April). We ask them to keep confidence with the process so that, when the announcement is made, all due consideration has been made and you can trust that the person announced for your church will be the person coming. The goal here is a holy one: to keep people on track with Christian discipleship (not running around with all kinds of rumors) as they prepare their hearts for Easter.
2. STOP thinking that a preacher is the answer to your congregation's problems. Sometimes, moving the preacher is not the answer...moving the preacher may only keep your congregational problems in place for yet another minister to have to face. Congregations need to practice the Christian faith in their life together: speaking the truth in love, showing kindness and forgiveness and love for all. Living the Christian faith is the vocation of lay disciples in the church. No preacher takes the place of lay people doing the right thing for Christ and His church.
3. STOP the idea that a young preacher is exactly what your church needs.
Time after time, PPR committees ask for a young pastor. They usually ALSO want one who is wise and experienced because of the situations in their church. Friends, we don't have 32 year old pastors with 20 years of pastoral experience! Only 7% of the clergy in our conference are between the ages of 24 and 35. If churches currently have one of those young clergy, they should be grateful. They should cherish, encourage and support that young clergyperson. The average age of clergy in the conference is 55. And before people go around talking about how old that is, remember that the average age of our CLERGY is 2 years YOUNGER than the average age of our United Methodist PEOPLE (57).
The other consideration churches need to make is the climate in their own congregation. What kind of situation would this desired young pastor come into in your church? I've had churches clamor for a young pastor where, with the ugly interactions between members, there is NO WAY I would send a young pastor into such a hurtful mess. If you want a young clergy, you should work toward your congregation being a place where a young clergy would be encouraged and strengthened and ministry.
4. STOP looking for a family package with your preacher. The cabinet appoints the pastors. Whether they are single or married, with children in the home or not, husband/wife active in the church or not, churches nee to start receiving pastors for who they are. My mother was the true ideal preacher's wife -- an active participant in the life of all the churches my father served and a blessing to everyone. So I fully appreciate how wonderful it is for a church to have a "pastor's wife" who is actively involved in the church. But the model of my mother is the exception these days. You are getting -- and we are appointing--a pastor. You may -- or may not--get the preacher with the wife who sings in the choir, plays the piano and has two children who are always well-behaved. Our preachers have to take the congregations we give them. Our congregations need to do the same.
5. Please STOP believing that you/your church is entitled to whatever you ask for. Oh, so many times, what churches WANT and what churches NEED are two entirely different things! Over and over, churches want to stay the same when they need to grow. They want to grow only if it means they don't have to change anything. They want the preacher to do the ministry and make everything all right. The cabinet only serves the churches well by looking at the ministry needs of the church. That may--or may not--match up with the comfort zone of either the pastor or the church. In these days of a drastically changed culture, if we don't challenge the comfort wishes of many of our churches, those churches will not exist in 10 years. The goal of appointment making is to provide pastoral leadership to our churches for kingdom-building.
6. STOP thinking that you can get your way in the appointment process by boycotting the church or withholding giving. Anyone who stops coming to a church to make a point about the pastoral appointment was not coming to the church for the right reason to begin with. We come to church to worship God, not the preacher. And the same is true about money. Anyone who withholds tithes to God because they are mad at the preacher is not giving with a right heart. We don't give money to the church to buy influence. We give to God to show our thanks for His blessings, to learn to trust His provisions and to support the sharing of His love around the world.
United Methodists have all kinds of open, appropriate channels to deal with legitimate concerns. Boycotting and clackmail are not going to do anything but show how spiritually immature people are. The cabinet is not going to make decisions based on people who are behaving in divisive, destructive ways. Anyone who want to have influence should be the most constructive, Christ-like person possible -- people who are living out the membership vows of faithfully supporting the church and strengthening its ministries. That's how to get influence.
People who are actively boycotting the church (with presence or their money) must not realize that actions like that only make it less likely that their pastor will move. How will the cabinet help a church if we reward bad behavior? And, by the way, who would we send? What preacher would want to come into a situation where members have a reputation for tearing down the preacher and each other?
Here is what people can START:
1. START praying! Pray for United Methodist PPRCs. Pray for United Methodist pastors. Pray for UMC congregations. Pray for your District Superintendent daily, by name, and pray for all the superintendents and the bishop.
2. START living the most holy, dedicated Christian life you can live. Anyone who wants to have influence, this is the way to get it.
3. START speaking up--with grace and love -- to make our congregations the best possible place to serve and our witness for Christ the most effective it can be.
4. START praying for God to open your heart to your pastor--whoever that may be--in new ways. Whether your preacher stays or moves, God is looking for United Methodist Christians to be open to being suprised at how God is going to be at work in the days ahead. We never know the good that God can unfold in the open hearts of His people. And if, on May 1, the announcement of the pastoral appointments doesn't suit your idea of what should have happened, pray that God will be at work in a mighty way beyond what we can see -- beginning with our own hearts.
Oh, the good that God longs to do in the hearts of people in our churches and communities! May the appointment process be focused on that kingdom building which will strengthen our witness for Christ.
The United Methodist appointment season -- a time of hopes and apprehensions!
How appropriate that most of our appointment-making is done in the season of Lent -- the season when we focus on the sacrificial nature of Christian discipleship.
Announcements of the pastoral appointments for 2011-2012 conference year will be made in each church on Sunday, May 1. From now until then, United Methodists should be lifting up the appointment process in prayer.
There are some United Methodist people who mistakenly think that this annual appointment-making doesn't affect them or their church. Every United Methodist Church is part of the appointment process whether there is a pastoral change or not. This is one of our great gifts to our churches and pastors. This annual review/reassignment process helps churches keep their proper center on Christ -- not the pastor. Churches that are built around the personality of the pastor are not focused in the right place. Pastors are members of the Annual Conference and the cabinet has responsibility to look out for the mission of the church across the conference.
There are things people can STOP doing that can help this unsettling time:
1. STOP pestering your PPRC members to tell you about your appointment this year. PPR members are the liasons of your church with the appointment-making process. They are honor-bound to not tell you about the projected appointment for your church until after the reconsideration round of appointments (which is the last week of April). We ask them to keep confidence with the process so that, when the announcement is made, all due consideration has been made and you can trust that the person announced for your church will be the person coming. The goal here is a holy one: to keep people on track with Christian discipleship (not running around with all kinds of rumors) as they prepare their hearts for Easter.
2. STOP thinking that a preacher is the answer to your congregation's problems. Sometimes, moving the preacher is not the answer...moving the preacher may only keep your congregational problems in place for yet another minister to have to face. Congregations need to practice the Christian faith in their life together: speaking the truth in love, showing kindness and forgiveness and love for all. Living the Christian faith is the vocation of lay disciples in the church. No preacher takes the place of lay people doing the right thing for Christ and His church.
3. STOP the idea that a young preacher is exactly what your church needs.
Time after time, PPR committees ask for a young pastor. They usually ALSO want one who is wise and experienced because of the situations in their church. Friends, we don't have 32 year old pastors with 20 years of pastoral experience! Only 7% of the clergy in our conference are between the ages of 24 and 35. If churches currently have one of those young clergy, they should be grateful. They should cherish, encourage and support that young clergyperson. The average age of clergy in the conference is 55. And before people go around talking about how old that is, remember that the average age of our CLERGY is 2 years YOUNGER than the average age of our United Methodist PEOPLE (57).
The other consideration churches need to make is the climate in their own congregation. What kind of situation would this desired young pastor come into in your church? I've had churches clamor for a young pastor where, with the ugly interactions between members, there is NO WAY I would send a young pastor into such a hurtful mess. If you want a young clergy, you should work toward your congregation being a place where a young clergy would be encouraged and strengthened and ministry.
4. STOP looking for a family package with your preacher. The cabinet appoints the pastors. Whether they are single or married, with children in the home or not, husband/wife active in the church or not, churches nee to start receiving pastors for who they are. My mother was the true ideal preacher's wife -- an active participant in the life of all the churches my father served and a blessing to everyone. So I fully appreciate how wonderful it is for a church to have a "pastor's wife" who is actively involved in the church. But the model of my mother is the exception these days. You are getting -- and we are appointing--a pastor. You may -- or may not--get the preacher with the wife who sings in the choir, plays the piano and has two children who are always well-behaved. Our preachers have to take the congregations we give them. Our congregations need to do the same.
5. Please STOP believing that you/your church is entitled to whatever you ask for. Oh, so many times, what churches WANT and what churches NEED are two entirely different things! Over and over, churches want to stay the same when they need to grow. They want to grow only if it means they don't have to change anything. They want the preacher to do the ministry and make everything all right. The cabinet only serves the churches well by looking at the ministry needs of the church. That may--or may not--match up with the comfort zone of either the pastor or the church. In these days of a drastically changed culture, if we don't challenge the comfort wishes of many of our churches, those churches will not exist in 10 years. The goal of appointment making is to provide pastoral leadership to our churches for kingdom-building.
6. STOP thinking that you can get your way in the appointment process by boycotting the church or withholding giving. Anyone who stops coming to a church to make a point about the pastoral appointment was not coming to the church for the right reason to begin with. We come to church to worship God, not the preacher. And the same is true about money. Anyone who withholds tithes to God because they are mad at the preacher is not giving with a right heart. We don't give money to the church to buy influence. We give to God to show our thanks for His blessings, to learn to trust His provisions and to support the sharing of His love around the world.
United Methodists have all kinds of open, appropriate channels to deal with legitimate concerns. Boycotting and clackmail are not going to do anything but show how spiritually immature people are. The cabinet is not going to make decisions based on people who are behaving in divisive, destructive ways. Anyone who want to have influence should be the most constructive, Christ-like person possible -- people who are living out the membership vows of faithfully supporting the church and strengthening its ministries. That's how to get influence.
People who are actively boycotting the church (with presence or their money) must not realize that actions like that only make it less likely that their pastor will move. How will the cabinet help a church if we reward bad behavior? And, by the way, who would we send? What preacher would want to come into a situation where members have a reputation for tearing down the preacher and each other?
Here is what people can START:
1. START praying! Pray for United Methodist PPRCs. Pray for United Methodist pastors. Pray for UMC congregations. Pray for your District Superintendent daily, by name, and pray for all the superintendents and the bishop.
2. START living the most holy, dedicated Christian life you can live. Anyone who wants to have influence, this is the way to get it.
3. START speaking up--with grace and love -- to make our congregations the best possible place to serve and our witness for Christ the most effective it can be.
4. START praying for God to open your heart to your pastor--whoever that may be--in new ways. Whether your preacher stays or moves, God is looking for United Methodist Christians to be open to being suprised at how God is going to be at work in the days ahead. We never know the good that God can unfold in the open hearts of His people. And if, on May 1, the announcement of the pastoral appointments doesn't suit your idea of what should have happened, pray that God will be at work in a mighty way beyond what we can see -- beginning with our own hearts.
Oh, the good that God longs to do in the hearts of people in our churches and communities! May the appointment process be focused on that kingdom building which will strengthen our witness for Christ.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
They are listening and learning
As I told the kids this weekend, I am the queen of PKs. My father was a PK. I am a PK. I am the mother of two PKs and the grandmother of 3 PKs! Living with the particular sacrifices that every parsonage family makes for the church, I have always felt that someplace in the church, we ought to do something for preachers kids. In Western North Carolina, we have made that someplace. The cabinet sponsored a retreat for our preachers kids this past weekend and it was an experience that we will never forget.
Preachers kids know the church in a different way than congregation members. There is a benefit side to that which the kids all quickly acknowledge: lots of people know you and are interested in you; people care about you and take a special interest in you; you feel at home in the church. There's a down side, too. Church people have high expectations of their pastor(s). Church people can be thoughtless and inconsiderate. Church people resist change and, when asked to do something they haven't done before, they can get downright mean. Preachers kids see all that. Only, when their preacher is also their parent who is the target of the whirlwind, these kids don't have a preacher to turn to.
One of the new additions to the PK weekend this year was some time to focus on life as a PK. The young people divided into groups of four, talked about what stuck with them about being a PK (positive or negative) and then role played situations of their lives. It was enough to make you laugh -- and cry.
I wish I could describe these skits. But one of the most important components of the PK weekend is confidentiality. So, without betraying their confidence, let me say that churches should be on notice. If they have preachers kids in their parsonage, those kids are smart. They have eyes to see and ears to hear and brains to understand. They see the silly fights, the personal attacks, the struggle to try new things, the petty miscommunications and they especially see the unchristlike behavior that characterizes too many of our church meetings.
I listen to the stories of these preachers kids and I want to go straight to the churches their parents are serving and say, "Listen, folks. Be your best--not your worst. These kids are watching you and what they are learning is not good." Preachers kids aren't the only ones watching adults practice Christian faith. Too often, congregations are letting our young people down.
No matter how many times people smile to their face, kids know when they -- or their parents--get stabbed in the back. Being a preacher's kid should not be such close exposure to the underside of human nature. We can do better. And we should.
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