Tiredness that hurts

Tonight, I am not tired from the pace of this work.
The pace is grueling. But sometimes, after a series of back-to-back commitments, I am elated. I recognize what it means to be tired in a healthy way.
But tonight, the tiredness isn't healthy. The tiredness is from discouragement. Deep, profound discouragement. And the overlay of discouragement to weariness is not a prelude to peaceful sleep.
Why the tiredness...discouragement?
I'm tired of the petty squabbling in churches.
I'm tired of constant negative energy born of entitlement, personal preferences and ego.
I'm tired of Christians acting worse than pagans in attitudes and actions.
I'm tired of people who feel that their hurt feelings give them license for any kind of mean-spirited comment or action.
And I'm really tired of people who are thoughtless and unkind to their pastor and then think I should do something based on their prejudices.
I'm tired of people who think that they are entitled to have their way no matter how selfish or unchristlike that way is.
I'm tired of the contentiousness of the culture shaping the church instead of the other way around.
I'm tired of people who try to wear their rudeness or crudeness or attacks as badges of honor and try to inflame others to the same kind of patently unchristian attitude.
I'm tired of church people who won't stand up for what is right; who -- out of weariness--give in to the loudest complainer, who side with the falsehood, the exaggeration, the rumor.
This is the kind of tiredness that cuts to the soul.
It's the kind of tiredness that is going to kill the church if we don't change our ways.
It's the kind of tiredness that causes casualties in the ranks of our more dedicated pastors and laity. It's a tiredness that is abominably self-absorbed in light of the great challenges before us -- the suffering around us and across the world, rampant injustice, abiding prejudices, the grip of poverty, the trauma of accidents and disease and sorrow.
And I'm tired of the repetition of selfish, self-absorbed, wounded egos.
Lord have mercy. Christ have mercy. And teach me to have mercy, too.