As Lent begins

Ash Wednesday 2012

In many ways, my first truly real Ash Wednesday was May 1, 2007 when my surgeon said, “Go home and get your affairs in order.”
I had, of course, led Ash Wednesday services for years…and loved them. Ash Wednesday is one of my favorite of all services of the church year. “From dust you came and to dust you will return” I said to each person who came forward…along with the challenge: “Will you repent and
be faithful to the gospel?”
That late afternoon in May, 2007, surrounded by my family in Dr. Iannitti’s office—in that surreal setting of a sudden, drastic diagnosis-- the mortality reality became personal in a different way.
I took Dr. Iannitti’s advice. I got my affairs in order. I’m pretty sure he was thinking
about the sobering statistics of pancreatic cancer—the deadliest of all cancers—which
often starts with a tumor like the one I had. He could tell me the size of the
tumor (about the size of a grapefruit). But only the after-surgery pathology could tell me if it was benign or the deadly, dreaded news of a malignancy. I had a pre-surgery window of 3
weeks to get my life in order.
I took on the challenge – writing out my funeral service, completing a host of legal
forms and speaking my heart to those I loved.
At the core, Lent is that kind of window--thankfully, grasping this challenge doesn't require a life-threatening diagnosis. Lent is twice as long as my 3 week window. The goal is the same: to get our lives in order. I am grateful that my funeral wasn’t needed in 2007, but—if I do say so myself-- it is going to be a wonderful service! Since then, I have carried a copy in my Bible. On every Ash Wednesday since then, I look it over and make some inspiring additions for what will be read and sung.
To be sure, I like to tell people what to do... But writing out my funeral is so much more
than that! I encourage everyone – no matter what age—to write out your funeral. What
scripture do you love most? What songs would you like sung? What witness of
your life do you hope is shared? ( This can go too far, I guess. So let’s be clear: I have not written the eulogy part! But I am aware that right now, my life is writing what will
be said).
Every Ash Wednesday is a time to remember that life is a gift, that we do not know what is next and that we need to make every moment count while we can. Death
is the one thing that we know for sure will take place. Christian faith prepares us to face the
fragility of life with hope and triumph. We can live honestly in a dangerous world without fear because of the resources of our faith.
I am so grateful that my parents instilled in us throughout our growing up years that we do not
need to be afraid of death. When sitting with my mother through her final days and hours, what a blessing it was to be clear of her great faith! As my father celebrated his 90th birthday, what a gift it is to know his lifelong preaching and personal faith that death is not to be feared – but to
be met as a gateway to new life. Faced with my own drastic and unexpected diagnosis, their lifelong witness of faith gave me a foundation.
That foundation is the core of Christian faith offered to everyone. Lent—of all times—is the time to be honest. The time to have hope. The time to take heart.
My funeral service is looking great. How about yours?
My hope is now to live a life that makes this great joy clear to others.

Bigger--and better--than Hallmark holiday....

With the crush of time, energy and resources, so many people seem pressed just to find a Valentine's gift for their husband/wife.
The question I am hoping United Methodist Christians will consider is a broader opportunity for witness to the love of Christ for all...which is a cradle, a foundation, a blessing for romantic love -- but so much more. What can Christians – and our churches—do to share the love of Christ with friends and members who are single?
One of the things we know is that church congregations tend to be very oriented to married
couples. That is a very important part of our ministry and is a traditional strength of our church. Strengthening marriages is a continuing, ongoing emphasis for the community of faith.
One of the things we also know is that more people are single now than ever – single because of the death of a partner, single because of divorce and never married.
There are more singles in every age category. On the younger end, more and more young adults are waiting longer before getting married and, with people living longer, more people are
outliving their mates. How/if our churches welcome singles is crucial to a witness that God’s family is open to everyone. This is very important to our present members who already notice our couple-oriented congregations and is absolutely central to reaching new people. Single people are a big part of the mission field all around us.
This Valentine's Day, could the list be broader? Who do we know who is widowed, divorced or never-married who would be blessed by a thoughtful gesture from a Christian friend? Are our hearts big enough for Valentine’s Day to be a chance to reach out? I have made a list of people who have lost a husband or wife during the past year; some widows and widowers I know who still struggle with the loss of a mate; those who have been through a divorce recently and single mothers who heroically struggle to provide stability and guidance for their children and people of all ages who have never married. Who is thinking about the women living in shelters because of domestic violence or in our homeless shelters in dire financial circumstances? What a witness
if all our domestic violence shelters and shelters for the homeless had flowers on Valentines Day from churches or Christian friends with the message: You are loved and lifted in prayer. People whose names you do not know are thinking about you.
Valentine’s Day is a wide open, wonderful opportunity to reach out to bless others--one of those exceptional opportunities to reach beyond our immediate family circle to witness to the love of God for all.

Getting on with the game

My first grade grandson, Connor, plays basketball this year.
Basketball with 5 and 6 year olds is technically the same sport as ACC basketball. But the realities of the game are very different. Basketball for the starters goes pretty much like this: Get the ball. Dribble it across the line. Lose the ball to the other team and repeat going in the opposite direction. Occasionally there is a pass which is caught by a player on the same team. Less often -- but sometimes--there is an attempt at the basket. But mostly, it is dribble and lose the ball. My son-in-law is coaching Connor's team and Mark is just the right temperment -- patient, good-natured as well as having ideas that (when implemented) bring some success. Going to the game is a matter of support for the children--which is easy and fun to do.
At the last game, I saw an unusually interesting sight.
A girl who played on the other team got mad when her teammate didn't throw her the ball. So, when their team lost possession and ran back to the other end of the court, she stayed right under her basket--head down, arms crossed across her chest, scowl on her face, lip stuck out. What a sight she was! I would have taken a picture but didn't think that was appropriate...
I wanted to laugh -- but didn't know who her parents were and I was certain they were not laughing. There she was, planted under her basket while her team and her opposing team were playing at the other end.
Such a sight! Such a parable! I wanted to shout out to her, "Honey, you have to keep going. The game is going on without you! Get over it!"
So many times I have felt like that young girl! Mad about the way things happened and wanted everyone to know it. So many times I deal with church members like that young girl. They are mad about the way things happened, they want everyone to know it and they are not going to play--even if it puts their team at a disadvantage to pout.
How I wish we could learn to get over things and keep the mission of Christ moving! Doesn't it seem that the teaching and example of Jesus is more than enough motivation to keep us playing even when we are disappointed?
I'm sure this young player will learn better. Hope we all can.

A moment in time

I love St. Simons Island...the United Methodist sister retreat center to Lake Junaluska...home of the history memorabilia about John Wesley's missionary time in Georgia (not his finest years, but a building block for the transformation that would burn into the Methodist movement). This is a place of beauty and serenity bathed in the deep roots of Methodism. This week, District Superintendents from across the jurisdiction gathered for worship, study and fellowship. Learning to be leaders in this changed culture requires a lot of stretching. And we have been stretched this week.

The closing worship was a window into the adjustments and changes the church must make to be true to its mission. Bishop Mary Virginia Taylor was preaching for the closing communion when, all of a sudden, we heard the roar of a leaf-blower. She politely continued and I thought, "Now, isn't this just like life -- the church needing to compete with distractions..."

The leader of our design team discreetly left our worship and, shortly after that, the buzz of the yard equipment was heard no more. I was relieved. Worship continued and we could actually hear what the Bishop was saying.

There is a part of me that understands that the work has to be done for upkeep of a beautiful place like St. Simons. And, in one way, I felt bad about the maintenance people having to re-arrange their work day so that we could have worship. On the other hand, places like St. Simons exist for spiritual renewing experiences like our worship, not for the convenience of a dedicated staff. The people who love and care for the place need to be the people who make the accommodations to what moves the overall mission forward -- even if that means the longtime, everyday workers are the ones to accommodate to the visitors who come and go.

The same thing is true for the local church. It's the regular, dedicated, time-giving people who need to be sure to keep the mission of the church first and foremost. So if Trustees -- who are, in my experience, always deeply dedicated people who love their church--are reluctant for the church to be used for fear of marks on the wall or carpet, that's backwards. The mission of the church is to be fully engaged as a witness for Christ -- deepening the discipleship of its members and tirelessly reaching out to new people. If the building shows wear and tear from use that has moved the mission forward, that's cause for celebration -- even though it means more trouble and concerns for the trustees.

The longer we have loved the church, the more clear we ought to be about the church's mission -- and the more willing to sacrifice, accommodate and re-arrange to move that mission forward. God bless the maintenance people of our holy places...and may they always recognize the primacy of the mission when adjustments to the routine have to be made.

My new favorite Christmas carol...

I love the traditional--especially at Christmas. Even with a very traditional background, ministry in this time in history has already made my life untraditional. In this rapidly changing culture, holding onto a few traditional things gives special joy. I cherish the Christmas traditions and music is at the top of the list of precious things.
So it never occurred to me that a favorite of centuries could be improved on.
My four year old grandson showed me differently.
Mark and Mary Allen were having a discussion about the boys' favorite Christmas songs. "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" was #1 on the list. Prodding them to think of a church Christmas song, Connor offered, "Mark the Herald Angel Sings". :) Then Tyler, apparently the theologian, gave this brilliant improvement for a carol I have loved for decades: "O Come and Be Faithful".
"O come and be faithful". Now, there's an idea.
Tyler has changed the old favorite for me forever. I'll never sing it again without thinking about his words. May we come and BE faithful...joyful and triumphant.

On the court or in the church...

I grew up loving college basketball. And, as I am going through withdrawal of my thyroid medication and on the very restrictive low-iodine diet in preparation for next week’s routine follow-up scans at Duke, it is a special gift to me that basketball season is underway. With my fatigue, I don’t yell at the players, coaches or referees nearly as much as I normally do, but, through the years, I have learned that doesn’t make much difference anyhow. :) Doesn’t stop me, but my good advice doesn’t seem to change their behavior.
Staying home during this depleted time has reminded me that there is very little good to watch on TV. So this past Saturday, I was thrilled that there was a full line-up of basketball games. My family in Kentucky is, as you can imagine, all rabid UK fans. But my sister and both brothers were born in Cincinnati. So I was watching the Cincinnati-Xavier game too and was shocked and horrified at the end-of-game brawl. As I have said to you many times about United Methodism – we emphasize the importance of passion AND discipline. You’ve got to have both. To be a good ball player – or a good witness for Christ, you’ve got to have passion…but passion without discipline turns out to be disaster. Discipline need not be a god unto itself (then it is a tyrant) but the absence of discipline in crucial moments is a tragedy. And that’s what happened Saturday.
My heart broke for embarrassed Cincinnati Bearcat Coach Mick Cronin who struggled to find words for the anger and disappointment he felt. In a news conference, he said he made all the Bearcat players take their jerseys off in the locker room and that they would have to earn their way back to playing privileges. Playing is a privilege, he said, especially playing on scholarship. Players on the court represent more than themselves. They represent the university. And they need to understand that first and foremost.
And I understand that intense, gut-wrenching feeling so well because part of the work of a DS is being called on the congregation court for the same kind of unfortunate flare-up. Once people start swinging, they swing at everyone in sight. I don’t think it would be much consolation to Coach Cronin for me to write him the good news that none of his players took at swing at him ---but in my church world, when people are mad and out of control, they take swings at each other and the preacher and the DS. The bishop, too. Sad thing is, I am not dealing with teenagers and young adults. Usually, I am facing the out-of-control swinging of adults who have attended church for decades and ought, by teaching and maturity, to know they are out of line. Hard to describe the disappointment.
This is the thing: no one should have to tell an athlete that every athlete on the court is bound by the rules of the sport. No one should have to say that athletes should not be throwing punches at anyone else on the court. No one should have to say that everyone is expected to play by the rules.
If I have one theme of my superintendency for situations of conflict – this is it: no matter what has happened, Christians are expected to live and act like Christians. We have a common covenant. We expect everyone to live up to it. Jesus himself laid down that basic covenant: “Love one another as I have loved you.” (John 15:12 among many places). It is not ok to come out swinging – on the court or in the congregation. In the Garden of Gethsemane, in one of the most intense, pressure-filled, emotional scenes of all Jesus’ life, Peter came out swinging. (John 18:10). And Jesus, who might have been a little more sympathetic to the immense sadness and trauma of the moment, turned back to Peter with some of the strongest words of admonition anywhere in the New Testament: “NO MORE OF THIS!”
The heat of the moment does not give us permission to lash out – not against our friends, not even against our enemies. Every sports player is bound to the common rules of the game and it is unacceptable for emotions to get out of control in ways that hurt others. Every CHRISTIAN is bound to the common covenant of the life, teaching and example of Jesus Christ. And no amount of emotion or pressure or disappointment gives a Christian license to depart from speaking and living the Christian way.
By the way, trash-talking apparently figured into the brawl on Saturday…and, while trash-talking is not prohibited by the rules of basketball (like throwing a punch in another players face), on the Christian court, trash-talking, gossip and slander all violate our common covenant.
I love basketball. Saturday’s incident leaves me with a sick feeling…a feeling I know all too well from church meetings that are outside the covenant. The coaches are telling their players that if they want to play again, they are going to have to understand that they represent the high standards of the university and be willing to put that first. I can’t kick Christians off the team. But I want to say the same thing. What you say and what you do represents Jesus. Don’t let anything distract you from that all-important reality. Make your mark for good. God’s message through the angels was God’s clear intention for our life together: “And on earth peace, good will to all.” No matter what anybody else does, don’t let anyone throw you off the focus God requires.
Our world is out of control. The media is full of people taking swings at each other. Family life and work life and community life (and church life) is often modeling the contentiousness of the culture. Being a Christian entitles us only to act like Christians—under all circumstances. What a witness we have a chance to make! May the peace of Christ come to us – and to others through us—this Advent.

Need to learn the language of the younger generation....

Ok, this is the time for children to dream about what they are wanting for Christmas.

My Connor (6)---my very smart Connor--says he wants a DS.

Imagine my surprise!

In our line of work, DS is sometimes laughingly referred to as Director of Sanitation because of all the messes we get called to....but I have never known DS to mean anything other than this connectional work of District Superintendency.

So, when Connor said he wanted a DS, I said, "Oh, honey, you already HAVE one!"

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Well, I'm a DS, I said proudly.
"No, Grammy. DS is a game."

"A game? What do you mean?"
Connor--tired of my not understanding him and leaving the room-- "I guess Mom and Dad will have to explain it to you."

I guess they will.

What I am doing certainly does not feel like a game.